Friday, July 24, 2009

The "last" trap

The trap ensnares me so thoroughly.
If there is a way to escape
it is unfathomable to me.
Caught between fear of the past and
hope for the future.
That hope for a positive outcome
keeps me going.
I want too much. I expect too much.
But how can I embrace the future
while being stuck in the "last" trap?
I fear the only way to break free
is to have a bit of faith in humanity.
I fear even more what the outcome will be if
my faith in humanity is crushed again.

The "last" trap snaps closed around me securely pinning me.
Each new relationship is different, unique.
You shouldn't judge people by your past experiences. I know that.
But yet, how can we not?
The line between going into a relationship
with your eyes open for warning signs and
trying to have a little faith in the human race
is mighty delicate.
I don't wanna be paranoid
but I wanna be smart about it too.

I have thoroughly convinced myself that my last boyfriend, Mr. Shenendoah, was married. Now, I worry that my latest crush, Mr. Sexy, may be also.
But the question hangs in the air -- Have I just fallen into that "last" trap by comparing the two or is my intuition trying to tell me what I need to know.

Admittedly, I'd rather listen to my heart over my brain. Even though my brain has a MUCH better track record than my heart since I am basically a trusting person.

[Written 7-24-09]

Thursday, July 23, 2009

We've been here before

Why do we
get in a cycle
forever returning
to the familiar

We tried it once
it didn't work
Why are we
trying again

Proceeding along
memory lane
good memories
happen again

It doesn't take long
before things get ugly
We should've known
We've been here before